Where I've Come To

Yesterday, various factors had come together causing me to feel depressed.  I knew that the best thing to do was to pour out my heart to God over the different state of affairs so that He may walk and help me through them all.  I shared my heart with God and spoke to Him about all the different things that were making me sad, disappointing me, and in which I was losing hope.  None of this came as a shock to God.  He knew it all before I was able to form the words to express myself.

Today, as I glanced over my journal writings of yesterday, I thought of how much they were like one of David’s psalms.  All the crying and complaining and sorrow expressed but ending with my eyes looking up to the great YHWH Who is over all and still trusting Him with my life and that of my whole family.

“Here’s where I’ve come to…that even though I know God IS good and perfect and has a perfect plan and will and will see it all through…He does not always shield us from the evil that He has also created and left in this world alongside us…” 

What we see and feel as tragedy and difficulty can come at any time and usually when we least expect it.  It is part of the world that we live in. 

“…My faith will not change God’s plan.  My prayers will not be what move God’s hands.  My faith is about believing that no matter what God puts before me or allows me to face or endure, He will work it all out in conjunction with so many other things I cannot see and bring forth a beautiful masterpiece at the very end.  My faith is about trusting that He WILL carry us through, never leave us or forsake us, and that He loves all of us more than I can comprehend.  My prayers are about talking with Him and sharing my heart and saying “Your will be done, great YHWH, whether I like it or not; whether I agree with it or not, Your will be done”.    Ouch! and Amen.”

“I am weary today, the sunshine is being covered again by clouds, and sadness has overcome my heart regarding many things.  I don’t feel like doing anything, thinking about anything.  Maybe I just need to embrace the pain and sorrow and not assume it is a bad thing to run from.  I can’t help but wonder how many things that I see as bad, terrible, or evil does God see as very good (and necessary for the fulfillment of the future)?” 

“All I can cry out is “Oh Lord, cover us, help us, draw and keep us near and close, encircle us with Your love and grace…”

As I listened to music on my IPOD later in the day, the following song came on and I found it so appropriate for my day.  The song wasn’t just for me, though…there are many others whom I know, and countless others whom I don’t know, who also cry out this prayer to God for one reason or another…This is for all of us…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmxkzKlw-jM

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain...

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain…

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

 

He hears the sound of our breaking hearts, He run to us, and He holds our hearts…