Tuesday, December 25, 2007


I am filled with complete joy, love, thanksgiving, and blessings as I take the time to ponder what today’s celebration means for me; means for ALL of us. Take a moment to relax and enjoy this beautiful song and ponder the meaning of CHRIST’s birth for yourself. The one Child that changed everything.


One Child
sung by Natalie Grant

A seed, it grows, and somehow becomes a life
It moves, she knows, that her baby has arrived,
She's so scared, but she's so blessed
She lays down her fear for the hope at her breast for she knows...

One million chains could never hold back
this moment in time
One thousand dreams could never dream
what this moment truly means
Heaven and earth, they cradle the infinite Joy
born on this night
For it only takes one Child to forever change the world

He stands beside her, he'd share her pain
if he only knew how
He whispers 'I love you' as he gently strokes her brow
He's so scared, but he's so blessed
There's a thundering pride pounding deep in his chest
For he knows...


Christ is born, we are blessed
Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess
That we know...


This is the one Child

This Baby cries and for the first time
The world hears the voice of God weep
Mary sings a lullaby
As the Hope of the nations gently falls asleep
She knows this is the one Child
To forever change…the world

This is my Jesus…

For HIS glory…

Saturday, December 22, 2007


CHIRSTmas is the time to celebrate the birth of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. HE is the greatest gift of God to us. May HE be praised! There has been born for us a Savior, Who is Christ the Lord!!

…The angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the descendants of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. And coming in, he said to her, "Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you." But she was very perplexed at this statement, and kept pondering what kind of salutation this was. The angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God. "And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus. "He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and His kingdom will have no end." Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" The angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; and for that reason the holy Child shall be called the Son of God. "And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. "For nothing will be impossible with God." And Mary said, "Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word."… (Luke 1)

…Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city. Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child. While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. "This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased."… (Luke 2)

For HIS glory…

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Pagan Christianity book

Did you ever wonder how the traditions of today's modern church got started?

"Have you ever wondered why we Christians do what we do for church every Sunday morning? Why do we "dress up" for church? Why does the pastor preach a sermon each week? Why do we have pews, steeples, choirs, and seminaries? This volume reveals the startling truth: most of what Christians do in present-day churches is not rooted in the New Testament, but in pagan culture and rituals developed long after the death of the apostles. Co-authors Frank Viola and George Barna support their thesis with compelling historical evidence in the first-ever book to document the full story of modern Christian church practices." (http://www.paganchristianity.org/)

In-depth interview with Frank Viola at


Pagan Christianity: Exploring the Roots of Our Church Practices
by Frank Viola and George Barna
Hardcover: Tyndale House

Friday, November 9, 2007


Ekklesia and home church are the theme for me this week. It is what is heavy on my mind and heart right now. I discovered another article by Frank Viola that I really enjoyed, “Bethany”. It was actually a message spoken by Frank to a home church that was then transcribed and put on the internet as a free e-book. In it he says:

“Throughout His entire human life, there was only one place on earth where Jesus Christ was welcomed. There was only one place where He was received. It was a little village called Bethany. And it played a prominent role in the Lord’s life…”

“I believe that Bethany represents the Lord’s desire for His church. God wants a Bethany in every city on this planet…”

“In Bethany Jesus Christ is utterly welcomed and received. In Bethany, we sit at His presence, hear His Word, and share it with our brethren. In Bethany, women are given the same privileges and the same status as men. In Bethany, our temperaments, dispositions, and motives are exposed…”

Bethany is the place where the resurrection life of Christ is displayed in the midst of crisis, and it is the place where God’s people are made free…”

“The Lord is looking for a group of people who will give Him first place in their lives. He’s after a people who refuse to be weighed down with this world and the cares of this temporal life. He’s after a people who will give one another their time. He’s after a people who will gather together regularly…sitting at His feet together, feasting before Him together, loving Him together, knowing Him together, and expressing Him together…”

“The call to be a Bethany is…a call to live as community—to live out your life in the context of a body of believers who are making a home for their Lord together...an extended family made up of sisters and brothers who give Christ His rightful place…a group who is willing to “waste” their lives on Him together…including their time.” (“Bethany”, http://www.ptmin.org/bethany.htm)

Waiting on HIM…

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

More on Ekklesia and House Church

Two years ago God planted a passion in my heart for “home church”— for being a part of an ekklesia of the kind that made up “the church” early on in the New Testament era.

This week I was led to an article on “house church” written by Frank Viola. I so thoroughly enjoyed his description of the house church that I wanted to share it here:

“Suppose that what we mean by “church” is a group of Christians who are living as a shared-life community under the Headship of Jesus Christ. Suppose that this kind of “church” is a gathered community that’s having an ongoing encounter and experience of Jesus Christ together. This community gathers often, not just once a week. And when the members gather, no human being is leading or facilitating. In other words, there is no pastor, no reverend, and no minister—whether titled or untitled. Instead, the members are gathering under Christ’s Headship alone. As to their meetings, they are not a Bible study, a prayer meeting, a songfest, nor a supperfest, but something different. Namely, the church meets to reveal and display Jesus Christ together out of a real, experiential, life-giving encounter with the Lord. And everyone is functioning on equal footing. No one is dominating. And few, if any, are passive. This is a church where the members are learning to live by Divine life together and they are finding creative ways to express that life week after week, month after month, and year after year. They are living for God’s grand mission—incarnating His eternal purpose in the world. The members of the church see themselves as sisters and brothers. And they pursue the Lord throughout the week, not only individually, but corporately. They also live their lives together as a family. They take care of one another. They don’t just talk about community; they are experiencing it in living color. In addition, the church makes decisions by consensus. They have no pastor or elite group of men who rule over or control them. Direction comes from the entire Body together. The members have learned to function in coordinated way.” (“Finding Organic Church”, http://www.ptmin.org/findingchurch.pdf, pgs 2-3)

(for more info on “Ekklesia” see my previous post in September and also link to http://www.discoveringgodministries.org/html/ekklesia.html)

In HIS strength and for HIS glory…

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Praise Him with Dancing

Praise the LORD! Sing to the LORD a new song, and His praise in the congregation of the godly ones. Let Israel be glad in his Maker; Let the sons of Zion rejoice in their King. Let them praise His name with dancing; Let them sing praises to Him with timbrel and lyre. For the LORD takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation. (Psalm 149:1-4)

I will sing to the Lord
And I will lift my voice
For You have heard my cry

I will sing to the Lord
And I will lift my hands
For You have brought me out of the pit
For You have brought me out of the pit

And I'll sing glory, hallelujah
I lift Your name on high
And I'll sing holy, 'cause You're worthy
I'll praise You with the dance

(“Praise Him with the Dance” song from Casting Crowns CD titled Casting Crowns)


Praise the LORD! Praise God in His sanctuary; Praise Him in His mighty expanse. Praise Him for His mighty deeds; Praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Praise Him with trumpet sound; Praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing; Praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe. Praise Him with loud cymbals; Praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD! (Psalm 150:1-7)

Praising HIM for WHO He is…

The Voice of Truth Keeps His Promises

“…and He did not speak to them without a parable; but He was explaining everything privately to His own disciples. On that day, when evening came, He said to them, "Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd, they took Him along with them in the boat, just as He was; and other boats were with Him. And there arose a fierce gale of wind, and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up. Jesus Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?" And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Hush, be still." And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm. And He said to them, "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They became very much afraid and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?" (Mark 4:34-41)

October 14, 2002 – God gives me Mark 4:34-41 in a dream…let us cross over to the other side; have you no faith? God is saying, “Step over, step in – it’s time to move ahead. Move past your fears, doubts, inadequacies – cross over! Trust me! There will be storms around you but you will not be overcome by them although it may feel like you are. I will be with you the entire time and in my name you will go through the storm. I will calm the storms as necessary but you must have absolute and complete faith. Cross over from the safe and comfortable to the unknown and uncomfortable.”

Oh, what I would do
To have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again
"Boy, You'll never win, You'll never win."

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Oh, what I would do
To have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
Of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
My name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again
"Boy You'll never win, You'll never win."

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid
And the Voice of Truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe

(I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe
'Causes Jesus You are the Voice of Truth
And I will listen to You.. oh You are…

(“The Voice of Truth” from Casting Crowns 2003 CD, titled Casting Crowns)


The Voice of Truth most certainly keeps His promises! All the glory to HIM!

In HIS strength and for HIS glory…

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Remembrance and Confirmation

The LORD has brought me to a time of remembrance of five years ago. Four and five years ago He spoke very particular things to me, and now He is allowing me to undoubtedly see how much meaning there was in what He spoke; not just for that time period, but also that it has special meaning for where I am right now. God most certainly invented the technique of “foreshadowing” (or spiritually speaking, “prophecy”). Man merely discovered this foreshadowing and implemented its use in writing books and making movies.
I am in total awe of His working in my heart and my life. I am so thankful that I keep written journals of my life and how God has been working day by day; they are my Standing Stones of Remembrance of His faithfulness to me.
In the fall of 2002 I began a sort of “wrestling” match with God. He called me even nearer to His side and told me He wanted me to tell who He was. I wrestled with Him over exactly what that meant and the fear of walking forward in it. He reassured, comforted, confirmed, re-confirmed, encouraged me, carried our whole family through intense spiritual warfare, and spoke VERY loud and clear His intent and His instruction. He warned of the difficulties that would be ahead and gave me so very many clues to what I would face. He even warned me that it would seem as if I would be defeated in the process but that He WOULD deliver me at the last moment as I fully entrusted myself into His care. He also said that I would have to suffer sharp, painful disillusionments before I would fully surrender to Him, but that after surrendering, He would then equip me to do all that He required of me. He spoke SO many things during the span of a few months that surely came to pass.
Over the past few days, as HE perfectly led me to review my journals and Bible study notes from those times, I see even more His “full circle”. And this morning I really understood something He was revealing to me. Yesterday, I had discovered something that I had written EXACTLY 5 years ago in the notes to a Bible study I was doing and how it related perfectly with my earlier blog entry on the fear of man. In the study I was asked the question, “What are you risking if you decide to surrender to a life of present-active-participle believing God?” I answered: “man’s scorn/judgment, man’s ridicule/questioning, no control, rejection of man, man’s abandonment”. When I read that yesterday I found it ironically funny. This morning as soon as I began my time with the LORD, I “GOT IT!” He had me face those very things just a few short years ago and experience them FULL force to show to me that HE is STILL greater than those things I feared so much. He PROVED to me that He is MORE than able to carry me victoriously through them and in spite of them, and showed me that I endured experiencing them. As with Job in the Old Testament, I didn’t get back exactly what had been before. All of that is now gone from my life. However, Job survived the extreme hardships praising HIM, and God gave a further abundance of new blessings to replace those other things/people that were taken away. So it has been with me.
I have met my greatest fears head on—crash collision—and God has been THE One that healed me and renewed me and blessed me. In the whole process He has been so abundant and shown me even more of Himself! There is no going back to how things were, but He has given me a new life. Faced with going back to what was or who I was without having confronted those fears head on or instead faced with being who I am today, where I am today, and who I know God to be today—I will say with triumphant joy: “Give me TODAY, Lord! Thank you for today and that what I’ve been through and You have taken me through has now brought us here!” Glory!
During some of the most painful moments in the midst of the accusations, rejection, and abandonment, I asked Him how He could allow my heart to be broken into so many pieces. He told me then that He would take the pieces of my heart and put them back together in a better and more Christ-like heart shape than they were before. And so He has fulfilled His word to me.
“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me…” (Psalm 138:6-8)
“Do not be mindful of the former things, and do not consider those preceding. Behold, I am doing a new thing, now it is sprouting, do you not know it? Indeed I am placing a way in the wilderness, tracks (streams) in the desolation... …for I provide water in the wilderness, streams in the desolation; to give drink to My people, My chosen. This people I have formed for Myself, and they shall recount My praise…” (Isaiah 43:18-21)
So here I recount His praise! Thank You, my Great and Faithful YHWH! I am so thankful to You for the difficulties I have faced in my life, for without them I could not be who I am IN YOU today.
In HIS strength and for HIS glory…

Monday, October 15, 2007

HE is Full Circle

He is YHWH

There is no other besides Him

All is from Him

All holds together in Him

He is Maker

He is Creator

He gives life

He puts to death

He wounds

He heals

He ordains

He removes

No plan of His can be thwarted

He is the only Deliverer

All comes from Him

All will return back to Him

He is the beginning

He is the end

All begins in Him and with Him

All ends in Him and with Him

That is why there is no place we can go that He won’t also be there. He is it! Full circle—all back to Him. Mankind continues desperately to search for meaning…

He is THE meaning

There is no meaning to anything without Him

We have life because He gave us life

He has all the meaning within Him

The answers to all our questions, the satisfaction to all our desires, seeking, and longings are in Him…

He is the Answer

He is the Fullness

He is THE Source of all

There is no other; it’s all about Him

We long

We search

We desire

We crave

We hope

And we try to meet all those things with this earthly, physical realm He has placed us in

We walk in blindness to the real truth that…

All our longings

All our searching

All our desires

All our cravings

All our hopes

All our needs

Will be satisfied in HIM!

Those things will all be completely satisfied with Him and in Him

Full circle, circles, circles…When God created the sun, the moon, the stars, the planets resembling circles could He have been displaying this “full circle” aspect of Himself? Could it be He was revealing this characteristic of Himself through His creation of circles? The heavenly creation in circles? The planets revolving around the sun; all of this displaying the full circle of Himself.

All comes from YHWH and all will eventually return to YHWH. For He will not leave any part of Himself dispersed or lost. He will draw all back to Himself. It is not for us to know the times of the length of time—but to know He is the full circle of all things and He will have all back with Him at the appointed time that He only knows about.

“I am YHWH and there is no other; Except for Me, there is no Elohim…there is no one apart from Me; I am YHWH, and there is no other. Former of light and Creator of darkness, Maker of good and Creator of evil, I, YHWH, make all these things…I Myself made the earth and created humanity on it; I, My hands stretched out the heavens, and all their hosts have I instructed…there is no other Elohim apart from Me; a righteous El and a Savior; There is none except Me. Turn toward Me and be saved, all the limits of the earth, for I am El, and there is no other…” (Isaiah 45:5-7,12,21-22)

“See now that I myself am He! There is no god besides Me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.” (Deuteronomy 32:39)

“Blessed be the name of Him Who is the Alue, from the eon and unto the eon, for the wisdom and the mastery, they are His. He is altering the eras and the stated times, causing kings to pass away and causing kings to rise, granting wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those knowing understanding. He is revealing the deep and the concealed things; knowing what is in the darkness since with Him a stream of light solves them…” (Daniel 2:20-22)

"I know that You are able in all things, and no plan of Yours can be thwarted. (Job 42:2)

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me. And Your right hand will lay hold of me.” (Psalm 139:7-9)

“And I, if I should be exalted out of the earth, shall be drawing all to Myself.” (Jesus speaking in John 12:32)

“…neither is woman apart from man, nor man apart from woman, in the Lord. For even as the woman is out of the man, thus the man also is through the woman, yet all is of God.” (1 Corinthians 11:11-12)

There is “one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, Who is over all and through all and in all.” (Ephesians 4:5)

“…there is one God, the Father, out of Whom all is, and we for Him, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through Whom all is, and we through Him.” (1 Corinthians 8:6)

Christ “is the Image of the invisible God, Firstborn of every creature, for in Him is all created, that in the heavens and that on the earth, the visible and the invisible, whether thrones, or lordships, or sovereignties, or authorities, all is created through Him and for Him, and He is before all, and all has its cohesion in Him. And He is the Head of the body, the ekklesia, Who is Sovereign, Firstborn from among the dead, that in all He may be becoming first, for in Him the entire complement delights to dwell, and through Him to reconcile all to Him (making peace through the blood of His cross), through Him, whether those on the earth or those in the heavens.” (Colossians 1:16-20)

“Yet now Christ has been roused from among the dead, the Firstfruit of those who are reposing. For since, in fact, through a man came death, through a Man, also, comes the resurrection of the dead. For even as, in Adam, all are dying, thus also, in Christ, shall all be vivified. Yet each in his own class: the Firstfruit, Christ; thereupon those who are Christ’s in His presence; thereafter the consummation, whenever He may be giving up the kingdom to His God and Father, whenever He should be nullifying all sovereignty and all authority and power. For He must be reigning until He should be placing all His enemies under His feet. The last enemy is being abolished: death. For He subjects all under His feet. Now whenever He may be saying that all is subject, it is evident that it is outside of Him Who subjects all to Him. Now, whenever all may be subjected to Him Who subjects all to Him, that God may be All in all.” (1 Corinthians 15:20-28)

“O, the depth of the riches and the wisdom and the knowledge of God! How inscrutable are His judgments, and untraceable His ways! For, who knew the mind of the Lord? Or, who became His adviser? Or, who gives to Him first, and it will be repaid him? seeing that out of Him and through Him and for Him is all: to Him be the glory for the eons! Amen!” (Romans 11:33-36)

“‘I am the Alpha and the Omega,’ is saying the Lord God, ‘Who is and Who was and Who is coming, the Almighty’.” (Revelation 1:8)

In HIS strength and for HIS glory…

I Will Lift My Eyes

I was listening to the radio this morning and this song touched my heart. I thought it was quite appropriate to be my next entry here. The song is called I Will Lift My Eyes by Bebo Norman.

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy
Sing her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

As I listened to that song and its words, it reminded me of one of my all time favorite Psalms, Psalm 121.

“I am lifting my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help is from YHWH, Maker of the heavens and earth. He shall certainly not allow your foot to slip; Your Guardian shall certainly not slumber. Behold, He is neither slumbering nor sleeping, the Guardian of Israel. YHWH is your Guardian; YHWH is your Protecting Shade at your right hand. By day the sun shall not smite you, nor the moon by night. YHWH Himself shall guard you from all peril; He shall guard your soul. YHWH Himself shall guard your going forth and your coming in, henceforth and unto the eon.”

I was also reminded of the song that the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir sings based on that Psalm called My Help; composed by Carol Cymbala, the wife of Pastor Jim Cymbala of the Brooklyn Tabernacle church.

In HIS strength, for HIS glory, and lifting my eyes unto Him…

Saturday, October 13, 2007

The Problem with the Fear of Man

As I share this next life lesson I will do my best to write as clearly as possible. However, please bear with me if there are various tense changes in the writing. I am writing from a very “freshly learned” lesson still in progress, and most of what I write comes straight from my journal as I originally wrote it. So I may have trouble keeping up with the tense changes between what I am saying right now as I type and what I wrote in my journal as God spoke to me a in the last three weeks.

Not long ago I was scanning through a book catalog. A particular book recommended in the catalog just stood out to me on that day. It was called When People Are Big and God Is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man by Edward T. Welch. It was the “Overcoming the Fear of Man” part that really poked at me. I wasn’t sure if I “needed” to read the book or not. Although I knew the “fear of man” thing always hounded at me; the fear of being rejected because someone doesn’t like what I said or did or did not say or do. I had to confess to myself that now the problem had grown worse due to some particular events which have taken place in the last 7 years. As I stared at the book’s picture in the catalog I sensed that the fear of man, the fear of rejection, was probably more of a hindrance in my present life than I have been willing to admit. So I decided to check the book out from our local library.

When I began to read the book I contemplated my fears and insecurities. Suddenly, a “Light” (HIS light, HIS wisdom, HIS truth) went on in my heart. I wondered if it was really true that I feared people more than God. I recalled what it took for God to “move me” along few years ago regarding my calling from Him to tell who He is. Oh, that was such an ordeal to get me to be honest with others on where I was in my spiritual walk! But I finally “moved” forward because I became miserable sitting still when God was leading the way and telling me to walk. That is happening now too. I am sensing movement on God’s part; pieces are starting to click together for a motion to occur. The lessons that have come recently, the sudden inspiration from God to begin blogging, my misery in hiding, this book shown to me, my recent dream of fighting the enemy, and a sense of greater determination rising up slowly within me are all part of it. I realize that with this book about fearing man, God may very well be looking me in the face and saying: “You are fearing man more than you are fearing me!!! You say you aren’t, but you are.”

As I read the book, the first “Truth Arrow” that hit its perfect mark on me was in the author’s third chapter titled “People Will Reject Me”. In those pages Edward Welch says, “Closely related to the fear that people will expose us (shame fear) is perhaps the most common reason we are controlled by other people: They can reject, ridicule, or despise us (rejection fear). They don’t invite us to the party. They ignore us. They don’t like us. They aren’t pleased with us. They withhold the acceptance, love or significance we want from them. As a result, we feel worthless…” (pg. 37) Actually, I would have to say that, first and foremost, I feel emotionally devastated; so hurt and broken hearted. Following the hurt emotions I start wondering what kind of “freak” I am that people have to reject me over and over again. I know that is a total lie from Satan, but it still has its day with me when I am rejected.
I read further on in the same chapter mentioned above, and another “Truth Arrow” hit its mark and made me wince. The author was speaking about the Pharisees who believed Jesus to be Messiah but kept it hidden to themselves and quiet. He writes, “…with such a conviction, you would think that these leaders would become disciples immediately and seek to persuade the people to believe. Yet it didn’t happen…Why? They feared confessing their faith because of the possible reactions of those in the synagogue…They felt they needed the praise of people. They feared rejection more than they feared the Lord.” (pg.39) Ouch! Oh yes, I had to face head on that I have a problem with the fear of man.

Those last words quoted, “They feared confessing their faith because of the possible reactions of those in the synagogues”, pressed hard upon me even unto the next day when I was having my quiet time with the Lord and journaling again. They feared rejection; I fear rejection. I want to be loved and accepted by others, and yet…with the same mind I also say that I’ll do anything for the Lord. In the last few years when some things really “blew up” in my life, I did do anything for the Lord, but I also allowed my emotions to get in the way in my effort to be believed and loved instead of rejected. I then had a sin-tainted shame tagged along with my willingness to do anything for God and it compounded my pain of the rejection that did certainly come.
My past experiences have made my fears even greater today. I absolutely cringe at the thought of being rejected again. But when speaking of the thorn in my flesh of my back pain and tendonitis, I’m also proclaiming with the apostle Paul, “Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) Well, am I being double minded? Or do I really mean it? Am I content and willing facing those things or not? Or am I holding back? What exactly am I doing or saying?

My *lifelong* thorn in the flesh has been the problem of rejection and the fear and dread of not being loved and accepted for who I am and how I am. And it’s doubly awful if it happens because I sinned and caused it to happen. The shame that fills me is unbearable; especially at this point in my life. However, GOD says to me that I CAN most gladly boast in my weakness so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. God says to me that I CAN be content in my weaknesses, with insults from others, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties for Christ’s sake; for when I am so weak in the midst of those things then I am strong in HIM!!! God says to me that I *CANNOT* fear man’s rejection more than HIM!!

He says to me that I *CANNOT* fear man’s rejection…

…more than I love Him
…more than I acknowledge Him
…more than I know Him
…more than I fear Him
…more than I seek Him
…more than His truth revealed
…more than my obedience to Him
…more than my abandonment to Him
…more than HIM!

What is greater? Rejection or my LORD, the KING of kings? Well, that’s a silly question, but I had to ask it to myself! Because ultimately it is very silly for me to fear rejection or abandonment from others more than following Him with abandonment! The *only* fear I should live in is the fear of God Himself. I cannot fear rejection from man more than I fear my LORD. (Note: when I speak of "fear", I mean standing in complete awe and respect of God and Who He is--greater than any one or any thing.)

Another Truth Arrow hit its mark as I continued to read in the book by Welch. I found the following truth so well expressed: “Sometimes we would prefer to die for Jesus than to live for Him. If someone had the power to kill us for our profession of faith, I imagine that most Christians would say, ‘Yes, I am a believer in Jesus Christ’ even if it meant death. The threat of torture might make people think twice, but I think most Christians would acknowledge Christ. However, if making a decision for Jesus means that we might spend years being unpopular, ignored, poor, or criticized, then there are masses of Christians who temporarily put their faith on the shelf…In other words, kill me, but don’t keep me from being liked, appreciated, or respected.” (pg. 39) “The clear proclamation of the gospel does not make us look good. It doesn’t make us popular.” (pg. 40) Oh my! God is REALLY telling me a thing or two! I know it. He is telling me it’s time to quit fearing people and just walk and speak truth as HE opens the way and makes the opportunity and for me to pay close attention to Him now. He is moving me now. We are to be walking, again.

And yet another arrow hit its mark as the author mentioned that “Paul even indicated to the Galatians that if he were still trying to please men, he would not be a servant of God.” (pg 41)

For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)

I had to ask myself, “So Mary Ann, M.A.? Much Afraid?” “Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please man? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ…For I would have you know, bretheren, that the gospel which was preached by me is not according to man. For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ.” (Galatians 1:10-12)
(I love the book Hinds’ Feet on High Places and have read it more than once. The book is about woman named “Much Afraid” and how she follows the Shepherd (Christ) to the High Places and how her fears and frailties are conquered by His love and her companions, Suffering and Sorrow. So when I am dealing with issues of fear in my own life I sometimes call myself “Much Afraid” since M.A. are my first name initials just like hers.)

God continued to shoot the Truth Arrows towards me. Welch next quoted the apostle Paul in Ephesians 6:19-20, “Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel…that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should”. This verse has a very special meaning to me, and I even had it as part of my auto signature on my emails maybe a year ago. And here God was putting it all into fresh context for me. It is unmistakable that God has especially focused intentions on speaking all of these things to me at this very season in my life.

“Fear of man is always part of a triad that includes unbelief and disobedience…Fear of man is, indeed, a treacherous snare.” (pg. 43 in the book)

The author went on to talk about us making people our idols. Immediately I thought of how God is “tearing down” my idols of needing to be accepted. “What is the result of people-idolatry? As in all idolatry, the idol we choose to worship soon owns us. The object we fear overcomes us…It tells us how to think, what to feel, and how to act. It tells us what to wear…to be frightened to death that we might have to get up in front of a group…We never expect that using people to meet our desires leaves us enslaved to them.” (pg. 46)

My desires to be loved unconditionally, accepted unconditionally, praised, encouraged, respected, listened to, believed—all of that must be found in HIM ALONE. I still tend to look for those things from people, and it is controlling me and trying to take over my thoughts and heart; allowing fear to wreck havoc within me. In the back of my mind, I am usually waiting for a “bomb” to drop in my relationships; waiting for the “eventual” rejection that will surely come in some form or fashion. Fear, fear, dread, dread…I have it worse and worse since the events of the last few years. It has surely increased all the more. There is a fatalistic attitude within me because I tend to be convinced that the rejection will eventually happen and that it’s just a matter of time before it does. God’s truth is that this is NOT living abundantly in the victory of Christ; this is living in defeat with the approval of man being an idol in my life.
The next day after journaling the above, God’s special word suddenly spoken to me was: “power to demolish strongholds”. I was actually saying a prayer for someone else and these words just popped into my mind from 2 Corinthians 10:4. I turned to that verse and read the Apostle Paul’s words in full context; words that are of great importance at this very moment in my life (so like God!). “Now, I, Paul, myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—I who am meek when face to face with you, but bold toward you when absent! I ask that when I am present I need not be bold with the confidence with which I propose to be courageous against some, who regard us as if we walked according to the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses…Destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and…taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ…” (2 Corinthians 10:1-5)

The LORD was telling me, “Do not wage war according to the flesh. The weapons of true and successful warfare (in spiritual realm) are not of flesh but they are divinely powerful, powerful to God for the pulling down of fortresses or walls of defense.”

The phrase “power to demolish strongholds” carried over into the next day in my time with God. It repeated itself in my mind over and over again, and I wrote 2 Corinthians 10:1-5 once again in my journal.
Strongholds…demolish strongholds… I realized clearly that the fear of rejection has a strong hold on my life. I have a stronghold with the dread and fear and God desires to DEMOLISH it—it cannot be demolished with my flesh, by my own efforts. No, that is impossible; the flesh is what created it in the first place and what strongly holds on to it! He wants, in HIS power and by HIS power, to pull down and tear down/tear out this stronghold in my life. He wants to pull down these thought processes that are elevating themselves against the knowledge of Him and to help me to take into captivity these thoughts and ideas in my mind on rejection and have them captive to obedience in Christ. Christ…

JESUS CHRIST – rejected by those He came for—to serve them, to die for them—to love them—to reveal God, the Father, to them—rejected by men, a man of sorrows, we esteemed Him not. “He has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon Him nor appearance that we should be attracted to (desire) Him. He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows (sickness) and acquainted with grief (pains); and like one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not esteem Him (we judge Him of no account)…” (Isaiah 53:2-3) Christ faced ultimate rejection although He was loved to the fullest by God, on mission from God, and in obedience to the Father to reveal Him to mankind.

After soaking all of this in, I cried out to the Lord and invited Him to “tear it down!” I invited Him to tear down this stronghold on my life, however He pleased. I will not die from the rejection of man—I have faced it too many times before—and here I am; I LIVE!! HIS acceptance of me is my very life—not my acceptance by my fellow man.

“Now, working together, we are also entreating you not to receive the grace of God for nothing. For He is saying, ‘In a season acceptable I reply to you, and in a day of salvation I help you.’ Lo! Now is a most acceptable era! Lo! Now is a day of salvation! We are giving no one cause to stumble in anything, lest flaws be found with the service, but in everything we are commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, in blows, in jails, in turbulences, in toil, in vigils, in fasts, in pureness, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in holy spirit, in love unfeigned, in the word of truth in the power of God, through the implements of righteousness of the right hand and of the left, through glory and dishonor, through defamation and renown, as deceivers and true, as unknown and recognized, as dying, and lo! we are living, as disciplined and not put to death, as sorrowing, yet ever rejoicing, as poor, yet enriching many, as having nothing, and retaining all.” (2 Corinthians 6:1-10)

Jesus did not run from rejection, He faced it head on and took it all in stride. He stood firm and steadfast in WHOSE He was, His Father’s. He knows my heart, my fears, and my pains, understands them fully, and can FULLY comfort me when I face similar circumstances.

Dear reader and fellow traveler on this journey, can you relate with any of this? Do you find that there are times in your life that you are allowing a fear of man to rule your emotions or thoughts, what you say or don’t say, what you do or don’t do? I believe we all do this to some degree; some of us to a greater extent than others. This lesson is certainly a very direct word from God to me. However, I also certainly believe that there are many others who will also find encouragement and truth spoken to them as I share it. Hang in here with me a little longer because God is about to speak more truth to empower me to be unafraid. Hallelujah!

Further on in When People Are Big and God Is Small, the author says, “When a heart is being filled with the greatness of God, there is less room for the question, ‘What are people going to think of me?’…If you have been in the presence of the almighty God, everything that once controlled you suddenly has less power.” (pg. 119) I had to chuckle to myself as I read these words! You see, when I am alone with God, and it’s just Him and me, and He speaks truths to me, and we have this great time together, I stand firm and strong in His mighty presence and laugh in the face of all fears! Ha ha! I am not afraid! Then I “walk out” into the daily world around me, look around, and all of a sudden I am weak and fearful all over again. The questions begin swirling in my mind, “Am I sure of what God just spoke to me?”, “Did I really hear Him right?”, “Oh boy, what is “so and so” going to say to me or do to me if I do this or that or say this or that?”, “What is “so and so” thinking about me now?”, and on and on. I feel like such a fool when that happens and feel that I must surely be insulting my LORD who has just spent time lovingly and patiently speaking His truths to me.

After reading more of the book and having this all out with God, I began to sense a renewed boldness in me that hasn’t been there in quite a long time. Some other things the Lord has wanted me to comprehend began to become even clearer. I couldn’t help but wonder if God was taking more of my blinders off because He was finally making a progress within me and knows I am more ready to move ahead with whatever He has planned. When I picked up the book a few days later to read further, the words no longer had life in them. The words had stopped “speaking” to me as they had spoken in the days before. I realized at that moment that God had already done the speaking He was going to do through the book. He had pinpointed the problem out to me—exposed it clearly to me and opened my eyes to see and my heart and mind to accept the truth that must be dealt with. So I asked Him, “What now?”

I began to start typing up this lesson so I could post it on the blog and the Discovering God Ministries website. A few days later, all of a sudden, I had an intense panic attack within myself. Fear reared its very ugly head and face straight at me and looked me in the eye. God allowed me to see how afraid I really was; that I am not as “brave” or as “willing to go against the acceptable/the norm” as I have claimed to be. Panic and fear tried to take me over, and I felt like such a wimp. I wondered how God ever accomplishes anything through me at all. I *want* Him to do whatever He wants to do through me, *but* then I am freaking out and filled with such fear; fear of my fellow man, fear of ridicule, attack, rejection, insult. I cried out for His forgiveness and begged Him to take away the dread and fear—to cause me to overcome it and be victorious over it as I walk obediently step by step with Him. I asked that I would be brave IN HIM—strong IN HIM.

On a following day, scanning the book for the last time to be sure there was nothing else there for me, God solidified everything He had been telling me by pointing out the following verse, “…have courage to say, ‘The Lord is my Helper and I shall not be afraid of what man shall be doing to me’” (Hebrews 13:6). That verse thoroughly empowered me. I knew very well that I did not need to go on reading in the book; the task God had for the book was now accomplished.

The verse “…have courage to say, ‘The Lord is my Helper and I shall not be afraid of what man shall be doing to me’” was a key for me that day; a key of strength and freedom against the stronghold. There was such power in those words of God to me that day and their power continues still very strong. I wrote and rewrote those words. I had been overcome with trepidation, fear, and great hesitancy. But then those words, HIS words and His truth, dispersed all those things, renewed me, and re-energized me.

HIS power will demolish all strongholds…
The Lord is my Helper and I shall not be afraid of what man shall be doing to me…
HIS power overcomes and is still overcoming…
I am HIS…

As I worked on typing up all of this lesson Satan began whispering more lies to me, “People are going to think you are crazy! Really crazy!”—“Maybe you really are crazy!” I had to chuckle and admit that my writing is rawfully open and honest, but I am not crazy.

Days later when I spent an afternoon and evening with my prison ministry partner ministering to the women at the prison, I was in awe as God over and over again, through discussions and conversation, confirmed all kinds of bits and pieces of things that I had written already in this Life Lesson. He was confirming and giving reassurance of His truths that He had spoken to me and had me write. These confirmations continued for days afterwards, and I stood in thankfulness of His patience with me. He inspired my dear friend to speak HIS loving words to me and encourage me with words HE knew would mean so much to me confirming much of what I had already journaled and typed.
In addition to all that, He put a song on my mind to tie everything together. The song is called “Brave” by Nichole Nordeman from her 2005 CD titled Brave.

The words are as follows:
The gate is wide

The road is paved in moderation

The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if You believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

Only HE knows how we walk forward from here and which way we are going. I am following and letting Him lead every step of the way. The Great YHWH is my courage.

In HIS strength and for HIS glory…