The LORD has brought me to a time of remembrance of five years ago. Four and five years ago He spoke very particular things to me, and now He is allowing me to undoubtedly see how much meaning there was in what He spoke; not just for that time period, but also that it has special meaning for where I am right now. God most certainly invented the technique of “foreshadowing” (or spiritually speaking, “prophecy”). Man merely discovered this foreshadowing and implemented its use in writing books and making movies.
I am in total awe of His working in my heart and my life. I am so thankful that I keep written journals of my life and how God has been working day by day; they are my Standing Stones of Remembrance of His faithfulness to me.
In the fall of 2002 I began a sort of “wrestling” match with God. He called me even nearer to His side and told me He wanted me to tell who He was. I wrestled with Him over exactly what that meant and the fear of walking forward in it. He reassured, comforted, confirmed, re-confirmed, encouraged me, carried our whole family through intense spiritual warfare, and spoke VERY loud and clear His intent and His instruction. He warned of the difficulties that would be ahead and gave me so very many clues to what I would face. He even warned me that it would seem as if I would be defeated in the process but that He WOULD deliver me at the last moment as I fully entrusted myself into His care. He also said that I would have to suffer sharp, painful disillusionments before I would fully surrender to Him, but that after surrendering, He would then equip me to do all that He required of me. He spoke SO many things during the span of a few months that surely came to pass.
Over the past few days, as HE perfectly led me to review my journals and Bible study notes from those times, I see even more His “full circle”. And this morning I really understood something He was revealing to me. Yesterday, I had discovered something that I had written EXACTLY 5 years ago in the notes to a Bible study I was doing and how it related perfectly with my earlier blog entry on the fear of man. In the study I was asked the question, “What are you risking if you decide to surrender to a life of present-active-participle believing God?” I answered: “man’s scorn/judgment, man’s ridicule/questioning, no control, rejection of man, man’s abandonment”. When I read that yesterday I found it ironically funny. This morning as soon as I began my time with the LORD, I “GOT IT!” He had me face those very things just a few short years ago and experience them FULL force to show to me that HE is STILL greater than those things I feared so much. He PROVED to me that He is MORE than able to carry me victoriously through them and in spite of them, and showed me that I endured experiencing them. As with Job in the Old Testament, I didn’t get back exactly what had been before. All of that is now gone from my life. However, Job survived the extreme hardships praising HIM, and God gave a further abundance of new blessings to replace those other things/people that were taken away. So it has been with me.
I have met my greatest fears head on—crash collision—and God has been THE One that healed me and renewed me and blessed me. In the whole process He has been so abundant and shown me even more of Himself! There is no going back to how things were, but He has given me a new life. Faced with going back to what was or who I was without having confronted those fears head on or instead faced with being who I am today, where I am today, and who I know God to be today—I will say with triumphant joy: “Give me TODAY, Lord! Thank you for today and that what I’ve been through and You have taken me through has now brought us here!” Glory!
During some of the most painful moments in the midst of the accusations, rejection, and abandonment, I asked Him how He could allow my heart to be broken into so many pieces. He told me then that He would take the pieces of my heart and put them back together in a better and more Christ-like heart shape than they were before. And so He has fulfilled His word to me.
“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me…” (Psalm 138:6-8)
“Do not be mindful of the former things, and do not consider those preceding. Behold, I am doing a new thing, now it is sprouting, do you not know it? Indeed I am placing a way in the wilderness, tracks (streams) in the desolation... …for I provide water in the wilderness, streams in the desolation; to give drink to My people, My chosen. This people I have formed for Myself, and they shall recount My praise…” (Isaiah 43:18-21)
So here I recount His praise! Thank You, my Great and Faithful YHWH! I am so thankful to You for the difficulties I have faced in my life, for without them I could not be who I am IN YOU today.
In HIS strength and for HIS glory…